I'm juz enough 4...

I'm not enough pretty...
to make sum1...bertekuk lutut dihadapan gw...

I'm not that pretty...
to make sum1...pengen ngabisin sisa hidupnya dengan gw...

I'm not pretty at all...
to make sum1...rela mati untuk gw...

I'm juz enough 4...
having fun with...
spend awhile time with...

but i'm not gud enough 4 precious things...

nge-bingung-in

Nge-bingung-in...
Sore tadi baru aja minum teh tarik sambil ngobrol2 ma boss gw...He said he really need me now...& bilang dun think 2 much apalagi untuk balik ke indo...
Padahal gw bener2 pengen balik ke indo, gw nge-rencana-in april taon depan...
Jadi bingung lagi gw...Huh!!!

Cyber world

Part of my life...live in the cyber world...
May be coz i was bored with my real life...away from family & frens...
but I have a lot of frens from cyber world...
some of them even be my frens in real life...

I have 2 face with bullshit also in the cyber world...
In the very 1st time...I believe sumthing that i won't find a love in here...
n yes...many guys saying "I luv U" 2 me...
but 0ne thing 4 sure...
I never say I luv them 2...
I never give them hope...coz i know if i give them hope, even a lil bit thing...they will have expectation more than i can give 4 them...
it will hurt them...if i did...

I can't say "I luv U"...if i don't...
I'm not hypocrite...
n i never have "luv" relationship in cyber world if i have relationship in my real life...

n i never fall in luv with guys in cyber world except with mr.Nice guy...
when i have relation with him, i dun have any1 in my real life...
He knew that & i'm not big liar...
but i'm sorry if we couldn't make it rite...may be we're not mean 2 be...

PS: They're the guys who i was fall in luv with...huahahaha....

I cry

I cry silently...
I cry inside of me...
I cry hopelessly...

i'll be back 4 sure...

I already made decision...
Why my boss make it hard 4 me???
He asked me 2 stay...almost begging 2 me with what he said...
Many words he said...but
Yesterday i called my mom...
& she said,"Juz go home...its time 4 u 2 reunion with ur family again...ur home is here...wherever u go 2 fly...u have home 2 come back...& ur family is ur home"

U're right mom...
If i'm there...
may be i will celebrating 100th years my granddy birthday...
maybe i will watching my nephew, yarie growing up...watching his first step walking...
n i will watching my sis, dien pregnant...& tease her coz she have big body & have drum in her stomach hehe...( I missed that things while ridha pregnant :( ... )
may be i'll be there 2 watch my youngest sis graduate...
may be i will make my dream 2 open the resto with cinta...release...who know!!!
n the best thing...i can eat any foods...my favorite food...anytime...& dun care about my tummy huahaha...

So...
I'll coming back 2 my country 4 sure...4 many gud reasons...
I'm juz dunno yet about the time...but surely...will be soon...very soon...

PS: That pic, from left : Yarie, Ridha, Papap, Me, Dien & Mom :))

December 15th, 2007

My younger sis, Dini Inayati Barkah got married...
Im happy 4 her...
but Im really sorry coz i couldn't come 2 her wedding coz my damn situation...
I juz could praying 4 her & give her my blessing...

Selamat menempuh hidup baru, dien...
Semoga keluargamu menjadi keluarga yang sakinah...
amien...

PS: that my pic with dien, in the long road 2 pangandaran...( ceritanya gw kebelet mo makan bakso jadi bakso dimanapun di embat hehe...)

I still don't get it

Some of gals saying "love" to u...
n u let it...u made them fall in love with u...
U saying love 2 them too??!!!

U never say such thing 2 me...
n u didn't let me 2...
Many times u tried 2 explained 2 me...
but i still don't get it...

my best fren said:
"Do u think u can control ur feeling???I know u dear...I just don't want u 2 get hurt coz u're so fragile...just don't wasting ur time 4 someone who definitely gonna hurt u..."

but u're here with me now...
n i really like 2 be with u...
I didn't think 2 much about what i feel & what u feel...
Coz we just have short time 2 have each other...
Even it will hurt me...
at least i have some gud memories with u...while u beside me...

90% - 10%

I decided 2 leave malaysia...it's already 90% for YES 10% for NO...
Soon time on end of this december...
Late time on end of April...
Many things happen...
Started with have nobody here, away from family & frens...felt like hell...homesick...but thanks to 'kak aida' coz she always took me 2 her house or her hometown 4 weekend or holiday...even sumtime it was gud but sumtime it wasn't gud also & i would never forget about 'car accident' on August 31st, 2005...
Then i met mr.Big liar...bad things happen...was hurting me so badly...
I met 'a malay gal'...who i thought she's fren of mine & i dun think twice 2 help u but where is she now...??!!!
Then i met 'phillipines gal'...nice one...i'm sorry when u need me, i couldn't help u...not bcoz i couldn't make it but somebody scars my trust...
Having colleagues...with different attitude, different style...but i was so damn hurt when some1 who i thought was my closest one...stuck me from my back...but still i forgave her...may be i'm type of person who have a lot of forgiveness for any1...even they've betrayed 2 me...
Then...
I met u, james...who have lift my spirit up...having u is the best thing happen 2 me in here...unfortunally i have a short time 2 spend with u...
Gud thing or bad thing...i have to leave it back...

PS: I'll miss all my frens & miss my life when i was here...

12 Azar

December 3rd, 2007
Happy Birthday, my dear James...!!!
Wish the best things happen 2 U...
I'm really happy 2 having u for now...
& Gud luck 4 ur job...
wish u luck in everystep u make...

PS: Sorry 2 made u worried with 45 misscalled??!!! ;)